A Boy After My Heart

16 July, 2016 - Baby | Lifestyle | Motherhood | Relationship

I have been getting so many messages regarding this topic…And believe me, I tried to ignore it but prayed about it for so long.. I believe that now is the right time to share my personal experience on this…. Sensitive topic as it is, this is my reality.

When Pat and I were just dating; I was young and still a little immature. I was confident in mostly everything except his past. Knowing that he has a son whom he adores with someone he used to love, not to mention, a very good-looking person… brought about the feeling of INSECURITY in me. I remember the times that Pat would ask me if he could go to her house and visit Jazz. Of course, I would always show support and give my strong YES. But honestly, I would feel quite uneasy. I would start creating crazy scenarios in my head, over analyze certain things, look at my watch every now and then, blahblahblahhh.. All these I would do BUT all without Pat knowing. As far as he was concerned, I was totally fine. I never really told him how bothered I felt because I was quite confused as to what I was feeling– do I tell him I’m bothered because he was going to his ex’s house? But in reality I knew he was simply visiting his son, which was a perfectly legit reason. There were even times that he would bring me to see his son but every time we would reach Jen’s home, I would opt to stay in the car and wait for him patiently outside the house. There would be debates in my head (probably the entire trip to her house) whether I should go down or stay in the car. I just didn’t know my place. I didn’t know how to act. I did not want to make pa-extra. I did not want to be a distraction. I did not want to show disrespect in any kind of way with my presence. I did not want to do anything that may cause him not to see his joy. I remember clearly the times that Pat and I would meet up after he would visit Jazz. BOY… his smile and his kwentos… he made me forget all my insecurities.

HE WAS GENUINELY HAPPY and that MADE ME SO HAPPY!

I eventually got used to this kind of set up. I would still have my insecure moments here and there but I learned to let it go. It became a routine that I got used to and slowly I was able to ignore. Until we got engaged.

 

As happy as I was, the thought of being a stepmom lingered in my mind. I tried to ignore it as much as I could by wallowing in the excitement of marrying the love of my life. But I knew… this was something I will have to face sooner or later. And so I silently prayed. Every single night I prayed.

 

What do I do? What is the “right” feeling for this? How should I be? How should I act? So many questions I just could not seem to answer or even come close to answering.

 

No matter how sanay I was with our routine, this was going to be a little bit different now. I knew that I was not only going to have to learn how to have a relationship with Jazz, my husband’s son, but I would eventually have to have some kind of relationship my fiance’s former girlfriend, the mother of his child.

About a couple of months into the planning of our dream wedding, I woke up extremely bothered. I remember starting my morning devotion but I just couldn’t concentrate. I had an urge to reach out to Jen (weird right?!) I did not tell ANYONE about this, especially Patrick. I did not want anyone to influence what it was I was feeling. If I were to do this, I wanted to do this according to what God was putting in my heart.

After a week of fasting and a day (I tried to delay… hehe), I decided to go for it and send her a text message. I thought to myself, “Lord, bahala ka na. You know what’s in my heart. If this is from You, then all will be well. If this is Your plan, then Jen will reply.” And in less than 5 minutes from the time the message was sent, I got a reply. Take note, we haven’t met. I introduced myself and asked if we can meet to talk. She agreed. Iba talaga ang Panginoon!!!

We met. We talked.

I assured her that I would be a good Tita to Jazz. And that I will be supportive in anything and everything that is and will be good for him.

 

It was casual. It was peaceful. It was nice. I knew in my heart that this was definitely God’s plan. God took away all my insecurity and replaced it with genuine admiration. He took away jealousy and replaced it with compassion.

 

On the way home, still stunned with what happened, I messaged Pat saying I needed to talk to him. It was very important.

When I got home, I started our serious talk with- “Love I’m sorry I lied about where I went……” (pang suspense lang! hehe) I ended it with – “..and Jen allowed Jazz to be part of our wedding”.

 

I HAVE NEVER SEEN PATRICK’s FACE LIGHT UP WITH SUCH JOY.

He hugged me so tight. He thanked me over and over again. He said he loves me a million times. He was so happy. And so was I. That was all that mattered to me. I wanted my (soon-to-be) husband to be happy. It was absolutely worth it. It was beyond priceless.

I have nothing but respect for Jen because she is the mom of Jazz. I know my place in Jazz’s life. I am and always will be his Tita Nikka, who loves and cares for him genuinely.

 

From that time on, my testimony of how good our God is just continues to strengthen me.

When you seem to struggle with certain feelings like insecurity, lift it up in prayer. Don’t stop. I promise you HE answers prayers. He did with me and so He will with you. Just wait and trust in His perfect time.

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96 Comments

  1. Tiret Sayao

    From the very start, i am a great fan of yours. I can see that everything you do are genuine. You are truly a virtuous woman described in Proverbs. God bless you and your family.

  2. Trish

    You’re such a nice person, Ate Nikka! What you did only proves how much you love Pat. You’re one of the very few people I adore and inspires me so much! I hope I can be humble, kind and brave as you are, not to mention, because of the love you have in your heart! Keep sharing your thoughts. Your story, the kind of life you have, the way you live your life keeps me going! I love you so much. God bless you so much more!

  3. Aez

    This is inspiring! The first time we met you i knew right there that you have a pure heart. Super down to earth and even the cheesiest person i’v known (next to me) Hahahaha. I admire you nikka for the courage that you have. It’s not easy to face situations like these, but you, in God’s grace have conquered it. Amazing! May God bless you and your family.

  4. Kim Garcia

    You see Nikka, this is why I told you that you are one of my wifespiration! I dunno if I could do what you’ve done but you’re right! Iba talaga ang Panginoon! I’m so proud of you and as far as I am to you (literal na malayo ung place) I can feel how genuine your heart is from here! I really hope to meet and talk to you one day. I really really do!

  5. Atheneza Avecilla - Lingganay

    Teary eyes reading your testimony. 😢 I admired you more Ms. Nikka for sharing your testimony. To know you is to be grateful for the special things you do. You reached out and gave unselfishly love and support to your husband and Jazz without question ask. Napaka laki ng puso mo. ❤️ May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family. I will include you in my prayers that God will give you whatever your heart desire. 🙏🏻

    @Ayhen.16

  6. Kate

    Hi Nikka, I really admire you as a person. I was an avid fan of Patrick in his Ang TV and Rollerboys days and I’m so glad that he ended up with someone like you, a beautiful lady inside and out. I really mean this from the bottom of my heart even though I’m a complete stranger to you. When I read this post, I am amazed at how you conquered your insecurities and did what was right, which is to love your husband’s son even though he’s not yours, and I’m even more amazed at how you reached out to his ex because you know that being at peace with your situation is key to your husband’s happiness. You and Pat are really lucky to have found and fallen in love with each other. Keep inspiring people and God bless you and your beautiful family!

  7. Diame Finuliar

    …hi Ms Nikka, ‘was amazed and I cried bucket of tears to your blog, …. I’m currently in Singapore and havin a lot of insecurities as a wife… Thnks for the motivation and making me inspired and finding a little hope upon reading your blog. May you continue your passion. God bless you more.
    Sailor_Moonjay

  8. twity

    I just cried reading your blog. You are indeed a beautiful person inside and out. Pat is so blessed to have you. Thank You for sharing your story Nikka.Keep inspiring us. God Bless…

  9. Cindy Antila

    Wow, this is such an inspiring blog, Ms. Nikka!
    I didn’t realize nga naa pa gyud diay ka insecurities bisag gwapa na kaayo ka ❤️ You have such a genuine heart. 💕

  10. tarrahlu

    I really needed this type of advice! I’ve been going through something lately and this story gave me hope c: Thanks Nikka!

  11. Bullet

    Thank you Nikka for being number most understanding and supportive people on my long time idol Patrick. I proud that you’re my idol’s wife! :’)

  12. kitty

    Very inspiring your blog Ms Nikka…i been in situation like you before …yes your right i feel what you feel the insecurities, lots of questions, talking my seft how can I accept the past of my love but your right prayers and acceptance is the best and let the God to handle it because he gives you the best results for the better ways! Thanks Nikka for sharing!😊

  13. Wella

    very inspiring! im somehow have the same situation with you but I know that we have to accept our partner’s past since they came first before us. I am not very religious but I know that God will also help me to take off my insecurities. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless you and your family!

  14. Ikay

    Hi Ms Nikka , sobrang ganda ng story ..sobrang blessed ka tlga . Ur my inspiration … Napaka sweet mo and mabait 😘😘

  15. Lou&ed

    God bless you and your family, so inspired and you have a beautiful heart. You’ve touch my heart every single of those words you said. you are such a good daugther, sibling, mother and wife I know your father he will proud of you wherever he is now. Thank you and more inspired storys to come.❤️👏🏻👍🏻

  16. Reymalyn

    Teary eyes reading this. So happy Pat choose u to be his forever. Bless bless Garcia Family…thank u for sharing this story.

  17. Mika

    grabe ms nikka. how i wish i had a heart like yours. 😭 idol kaayo nako na babae. cge ra ko stalk sa imong instagram. sa ig palang, makita na nako unsa ka ka genuine nga person. strong in faith and grabe ka kind. huhu. how to be u po :'( gwapa pagyud kaayo nya kyoot kaayo ang mga anak. haha. lablab ms nikka. gi drawing tika sauna pero ako gi labay kay bati kaayo! hahahaha. i hope makita tika in person someday daun ma friends ta. hahaha. aw sobra rasad. hahahahaa. God bless u more and more!!!

  18. Bernard H.M

    Hello, it was a great story, its proven that GOD is always listening to our prayers and he give exactly what we deserved just the right time at just the right moment. We know Its not easy to handle this kind of delima but in gods grace and hopes, you end up with the tremendous results. Keep praying . God bless 😄👍

  19. Gwen

    Hi Ms. Nikka, I just wanna let you know na ang laking bagay na nabasa ko tong blog mo kasi this what I’m exactly going through. Hindi ako religious person pero I feel so enlightened sa gagawin kong decision. More power and I hope your family stays happy always.

  20. Lianna

    I am following you for quite a while Ms Nikka, thank you so much for posting this. I’m in the same situation as yours, the only difference is that my boyfriend and I are not yet married. After reading this post, I felt that all the insecurities that I am feeling right now are slowly going way. You are such a blessing and inspiration! Love lots Ms Nikka! ❤

  21. Joyce

    So inspiring and admirable Ms. Nikka. Truly that GOD knows everything and he listen to our prayers. God bless you and your family ❤️

  22. ANN

    I just cried and touched every single those words you’d said. This blog gives me more strength to face the reality and I just relate to yours. And it is true that God knows was the best for us and has a right plan. Thank you Ms. Nikka for sharing your story and keep posting. Godbless you and your family! 😘😊❤️

  23. anna mayy

    Woow nakakainspire ka miss nikka! it was ur personal experience pero shinare mo pa rin. Ung tipong share mo pa lang sa ibang tao nakakainspire na, ang galing na ginawa mo. Hindi ka nagpatalo sa insecurities mo bilang babae, every woman should read this 🙂 nakakagaan lang ng pakiramdam. Im a fan of Jen since Star Struck palang hehe.. God bless miss Nikka we support you 🙂

  24. Kristine

    Nikka, i am also experiencing the same thing as you.. But unlike you, its very difficult for me to let go of all the bad thoughts.. Please include me in your prayers too.. I hope i could live peacefully inlove too.. Btw, Patrick isy childhood crush.. Hehe!

  25. Jennifer

    It’s hard to be in your shoes because I might not be as kind and calm as you were. Being in that situation is a challenge lalo na’t napakaganda din ng ex gf ng hubby mo. Pedro maganda ka din naman at ikaw ay pinakasalan, yan ang biyaya sayo.

  26. Jamaica

    Grabe, Ate Nik! Nangiyakngiyak ako sa pagbasa nitong post nato. Especially, nung sa part na you told Patrick that Jen allowed Jazz to be part of your wedding. Tumulo luha ko! haha! such an inspiration. Praise God! And thank you for spreading the goodness of God through your experiences in life. Keep posting! ❤

    Jam | https://thisworldismyrunway.wordpress.com/

  27. Mavin serafica

    Thankyou for this very inspiring story. I really need this one as i feel so much jealously, insecurities and lack of confident. I am so down now.
    I always find myself crying for no reason at all but in my heart i have it all inside. I dont know how to release this emotion. I want to let go. I want to see my partner happy also but this feeling inside me keeps on holding me down.

    Oh God please help me. Help me to over come this. Yakapin Po Ninyo ako at ituro saken ang dapat kong gawen. Amen.

  28. Kristina Nicole

    Hi Ms.nikka I can feel you. My situation is just like yours. At first it was really hard to accept and understand everytime he makes paalam to see his son the jealousy that your partner and his Ex will see each other, bond nakaka insecure. We had the same feelings na San ako lulugar,ayoko isipin nila na extra ko especially sa family ng partner ko.But then maiisip mo nalang na its for the sake of the kid who needs a father, and just like us we love our partners so much and all we have to do is trust them and leave it to God who has plans for them. At the end of the day hindi na natin maiisip yung insecurity pero yung happiness that we brought to our partners because we let their heart to be happy. Because of your blog Ms.nikka na inspire ako ng sobra. I adore you! More power and God bless you more ❤️
    Kisses to Chelsea and Patrice

    -Nicole-

  29. Mo-Mo :)

    Love you Nik! A beautiful story straight from your heart. Makes me tear up every time I read it. Papee would be so proud of you!

  30. Bibeth Cruz

    I am also trying to combat my insecurities with the ex of my husband. He has no child to her but I am not comfortable that she’s still there as a friend. How much more if the ex is like Jennylyn who is known to be extremely beautiful! I feel you. You are superbly good looking, your fair skin and nice face are your asset, but then you showed us that even beautiful girls like you also feel the same way as ordinary-looking girls like me. You inspire me. You made me cry actually. Your lovely face reflects the beauty of your heart.

  31. sherylparedes

    This made me cry. 😭🙌🏼 Thank you for getting us all inspired and astounded by the amazing works of our God. 👆🏼 All glory to Him! 👆🏼 Gbu more, Ms. Nikka. 😌

  32. Aimee

    I shed a tear reading this story. It’s so real and touching. I was also reminded to put our faith in God in everything we go through. God bless you and your family.

  33. missy

    I am happy to know we share the same feeling. I am in the same situation as yours. Meeting the 2 kids of my boyfriend scares me up to now, even if we are together for almost 4 years. Though the kids are sweet to me and we are getting along very well. I am still praying for strength, Nikka. I also feel the same way with the ex. Your thoughts helped me in so many ways. Thank you for letting us know. I am praying to the Lord to give the strength as yours to do the same thing, the kids are my boyfriends happiness, and to hin happy is my happiness too. God bless you and your family.😊

  34. J

    I have been waiting for you to write about this. Honestly i think i am drawn to you as a person because we are living the same path in life. I too am a stepmom to a boy with autism and my husband and i share 2 beautiful children together as well. i have tried plenty of times to reach out and show support and kindness to my husband’s ex pero, she is just not very accepting of me(Very hateful to be exact). In the past 13 years of our marriage, situations with his ex and their child have caused a lot of conflicts in our marriage but with our faith in God, we found that all the trying times only made our marriage stronger. It just sucks that no matter how much love and support you give, the ex will do anything to make you out to be the bad person. So for a few years now, i choose to have no relationship with her. I feel much better about it. I applaud you and Jen for being so mature and putting Jazz first before any insecurities. Thats how it should always be. God Bless you Nikka.

  35. Larvz

    Teary eyed upon reading this. I never knew you since today. But that was some guts that can only be done by a person who has a genuine heart. Keep that heart and that bond. Truly God works in mysterious ways.

  36. rixbajns

    The fact thar you chose to be silent about it and that you never nagged him with your jealousy is truly admirable.

  37. Charmaine Go

    Your blog is popular now that it became a topic during breaktime in our office, prompting me to read it now. I salute you for conquering the trials you’ve been through for loving someone with a “plus one” (with a child). You inspire everyone for being so kind and understanding. Patrick’s past is an open book and his ex is synonymous to beauty; thus, making it more harder to be in your position. You are overflowing with goodness and I want to be like you who is more than just a pretty face. May you always be happy. Thanks for the inspiration.

  38. phils

    Kaka iyak.. pero iba tlga may acceptance sa both parties.. God bless u Nikka.. you find your inner peace. And live life without bitterness and insecurities.

  39. robeeiris

    Good day, Ms, Nikka! I am in tears while reading your blog. I can feel your sincerity and pure heart in accepting Patrick’s past, most especially his son, Jazz. Patrick is truly blessed to have you. Hats off also to Jennylyn for being matured by handling the situation with respect. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family. =)

  40. angelica gaa

    Yeah..im on tears when i read your blog..your truly a genuiune person inside n out…so blessed to have you in patrick life..im not in fan watever…but the story inspired so much…. Godbless you more n pat ur kids and Jazz…

  41. angelica gaa

    Yeah..im on tears when i read your blog..your truly a genuiune person inside n out…so blessed to have you in patrick life..im not in fan watever…but the story inspired so much…. Godbless you more n pat ur kids and Jazz…

  42. Jenny

    James 4:6
    Thank you for sharing, so inspiring and uplifting. May God continue to bless you and your family❤️

  43. blessingjonblog.wordpress.com

    Awwww, I could feel honesty in this post. I ask God to bless you all and strengthen the relationship btn u and your hubby, btn you and Jen, you and Jazz and most importantly btn you and HIM!

  44. kim

    you are truly an inspiration nikka. and I super agree that God answers prayers in His time. I adore you more for having a beautiful heart. Your family and friends are so blessed to have you…continue to inspire me, will be your forever reader here and instagram follower..God bless you.

  45. kim

    you are truly an inspiration nikka. and I super agree that God answers prayers in His time. I adore you more for having a beautiful heart. Your family and : are so blessed to have you…continue to inspire me, will be your forever reader here and instagram follower..God bless you.

  46. Jam

    I don’t know why but you just inspire me with your faith and your love for God. I’ve been a fan of your whole family, including Team Kramer and all because knowing all of you guys, the center of it is just God.

  47. Keena

    I can relate. 💕 May anak yung boyfriend ko. She’s 7 years old. Okay kami nung mommy ng daughter niya. Ako yung unang nag reach out sa amin. And became friends. It was difficult at first. And totoo nga na may insecurities. Iba yung sakin kasi pati daughter ng BF ko na iinsecure ako. He thought at first na okay lang ako kasi kapag Christmas and birthday ng daughter niya, ako bumibili ng gifts. It was reeeaalllyyy hard! I am a bit immature pa then. So ganun yung set up for two years. Mahirap siya kasi hindi mo alam if kaya mo bang maging good stepmom. I also prayed to God. And I realized that I also have a stepmom and she’s really mabait. She treats me like her own daughter talaga. So it became easy for me. The time I met the daughter of my BF January this year. Nawala lahat yung insecurities kasi tinawag niya akong tita and this is my first time to face such a situation. With hug pa yun. And I was like, “Wow! I never felt this way before. I am amazed!” I love her. I love my BF. Love always wins!

    And nabasa ko to. This is really inspiring! You are an inspiration, Mommy Nix! Thank you! ❤❤❤

  48. Carina Magat

    I admire you Ms.Nikka! A lot! I know that you are such a good person in and out. May the Lord continue to bless you and your good heart! 😘❤

  49. Diane

    After reading regarding this topic, it was really inspiring. 😥 I can relate to it. 😣 Im 24yrs old and ang boyfriend ko naman is 29. May anak siya sa ex niya, like your situation. Mag-one year nlng kme ng boyfriend ko hindi pa rin niya ako pinapakilala sa anak niya. And it really frustrates me, kasi hindi pa pwede daw, kasi may kinikilalang mommy. How can I reach out kung ayaw pa ako ipakilala. I sometimes feel out of place. Its like I dont know where to stand. 😭😭 Can you please give me some advice? Two thumbs up ako sayo. 👍🏻👍🏻

  50. Mary Reyes

    Another very inspiring piece Ms.Nikka. It’s always a joy reading your blogspot. Maybe in a way,it’s one of God’s reasons why He chose you for your husband.Keep it up and thank you.

  51. Erine

    This is so beautiful. It’s such a difficult situation. I definitely understanf where you come from. My boyfriend has a daughter with his ex and took some time before I met her and even now that I have a kid with my boyfriend and his daughter and i have a good relationship when we’re together, his ex and I have never had any ait down like what you and jen had and I would really like to have one before we get married…which is pretty soon

    I’m a bit hesitant to reach out though since she is a bit of a complicates person to reach out to. But I do believe in God’s perfect timing and I am.hoping it will gracefully unfold before our wedding

  52. anne martinez

    Hi nix… I really admire you.. You have a good heart. I’m a fan of Jen and pat… Pero ngayon Ikaw n idol ko hahaha…. I’m so touch in everything I’ve read.. Iba ka! Your so amazing.. Keep it up.. Idol! God bless you!

  53. Y E N B.

    Tears trailed my smiling cheeks as I read this blog this morning! Respect and love for you and Pat all the way from SK, Canada. Ipadayon ang pag-inspire sa tanan Nikka. Godspeed!

  54. rose

    Hi Maam Nikka… it was so nice story. And I know it end good because you have a good heart. Mabuti kang tao. God knows inside your HEART.

  55. Kaye

    Thank you for this entry Ms. Nikka. I badly need this, I’m in the same situation as yours. Its hard fighting insecurities and jealousy. Sometimes I can no longer contain it. Its hard I don’t want to make my boyfriend feel that I can’t accept that part of him but I cant help myself from getting hurt with the situation. I don’t know what else to do, but after reading this I know now. Thank you really! You helped me!

  56. Aurora

    Paano kung ung ex ng soon to be hubby mo ee napakataas ng ere? ung tipong ikaw na nga lumalapit para gawin ung responsibility as father and tita ee ayaw pa rin ipagkaloob o ipakita ang bata, paano mawawala ung insecurities kapag ganun? ayoko naman maging unfair kasi wala naman kinalaman ang bata kung may gap ang nanay at tatay nya dba? same as ms. Nikka marami pa ring tumatakbo sa isip ko kahit malapit na ang wedding namin, may mga scenarios, crazy acts, etc…. na dahilan ng pag-aaway naming magpartner. Prayer lang lagi ginagawa ko hindi ko alam anong action ang gagawin ko kung ayaw nga makipagusap nung ina nung bata kahit sa kanya ayaw. balewalain na lang namin? kasi darating ang time ung bata mismo ang maghahanap sa ama nya right?

    1. Nikka Garcia

      Yes. Just lift it up in prayer. Sometimes you just have to let go and let God. Basta alam mo na you did your best. You only wanted the best and all intentions are purely good. Will include you in my prayers today! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding sis!

      1. Aurora

        Mukhang ganun na nga lang talaga. Thank you. You and Pat are truly an inspiration. Stay happy and healthy sa realationship nyo May God blesses you more.

  57. Joy D.

    Hi ms. nikka, i’m a fan po. from dumaguete also the city of gentle people, pero sa mabinay mi dapit ga puyo.😊
    gwapa kaau ka!😁 anyway, matagal na po akung nag babasa ng blog nyo. and sa story nato nakaka relate po ako. cguro pang apat na basa kuna sa story nato, sobrang nakaka inspired po. same din po, sa asawa ko before pa kmi. na enlighten po ako pagkatapos ko po mabasa to.❤❤❤ sa ngayon po, looking forward po na makilala yung first baby boy ni hubby. god is good po talaga!

    Thank you for sharing your stories ms. nikka, god bless your family.❤

  58. Joy D.

    Hi ms. nikka, i’m a fan po. from dumaguete also the city of gentle people, pero sa mabinay mi dapit ga puyo.😊
    gwapa kaau ka!😁 anyway, matagal na po akung nag babasa ng blog nyo. and sa story nato nakaka relate po ako. cguro pang apat na basa kuna sa story nato, sobrang nakaka inspired po. same din po, sa asawa ko before pa kmi. na enlighten po ako pagkatapos ko po mabasa to.❤❤❤ sa ngayon po, looking forward po na makilala yung first baby boy ni hubby on may this year. god is good po talaga!

    Thank you for sharing your stories ms. nikka, god bless your family.❤

  59. Gee

    No wonder why you are so blessed. Love your page Ms. NIKKA. I hope to meet you again. You are such a nice person

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