To all the Mommas – have you ever experienced totally losing it and while holding your child tightly in a totally not-loving way, scream at her (or him) to stop?
I did. 🙁
And I promise myself that I will never do that ever again.
Michelle is quite mature for her age. She knows how to listen and obey. She usually knows when to stop being kulit and can tell if her Daddy and I are no longer pleased with her behavior. Sometimes I forget that she is only 5 years old – with the way she responds to me and how she can really explain herself, its like she’s an adult. A lot of times she gets her way because she makes sense and I respect that. (BTW, this happened last year so she was only 4!)
Well, one day, everything I had mentioned above became the opposite of how Michelle was acting that day. She just did not want to listen to me. I tried to give her three warnings but she totally ignored them and just kept at it. I lost it. I don’t know if it was because of the lack of sleep or simply adjusting to having a new baby or all of the above. But I did. I stood up from my chair and I grabbed her by the arm and screamed at her to make her stop. She was so scared that her tears just flowed down her cheeks. Yes, Patrick and I discipline our children but we don’t ever do it in anger. Neither do we scream at them and instill fear. We talk to them, we explain why we have to spank them and then we remind them of how much we love them. We also say a short prayer and ask Jesus to help us become better parents and better children. Going back to what happened, she was terrified. I saw fear in her eyes, something I have not seen. I immediately realized that I was wrong. I quickly hugged her and asked for forgiveness. As soon as I said “Please forgive Mommy, Michelle. I am sorry”. Michelle hugged me back and said, “It is ok Mommy. I love you and I know you love me. I forgive you.” These words… that moment… is something I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life. How quickly my 4-year-old daughter forgave me! She even went beyond forgiveness and assured me of her love!
How blessed I am to have a daughter like her. I am so proud of her and humbled by my total lack of restraint.
I am far from perfect. We are all not perfect. But what is important is the willingness to accept when you are wrong and the desire to become better.
Michelle taught me this. Imagine that, my 4year old baby girl teaching me something very important.
May we always seek to learn something from every circumstance we go through to be better parents, better people.